A Walk with Jesus
I had a dream one night which tells this story. I wrote this about two years ago. When one of my brothers asked me to put it up on the blog I balked at the idea. The premise is the same as a dream I had. This is a story, not just a small blog. I am posting this for three people who have asked my brother to read the story. The dream is truly a dream I received. This is my walk with Jesus through my life up to this point. I hope you enjoy if you read it all.
I was awakened one night by Jesus. He told me, “Get dressed and follow him.”
When you are told by Jesus to do anything, duh, you do it. Jesus said “We are going for a walk.”
As I dressed I ask “Where are we going.”
He said “Just follow me.”
I was putting on my shorts and t-shirt and thought to myself, should I wear this? I slipped on my flip flops and thought again maybe I should wear my tennis shoes. I went into the closet and put on my socks and tennis shoes and looked at Jesus and he had huge smile.
I ask him, “Why are you smiling.”
Jesus said, “You worry about what you are going to wear when you are with me? I know all about you. I know all you do. I am smiling because you are concerned about your looks.”
I put my hat on and turned the alarm off on my clock. I figured it will ring all day and I walked out of the house. Jesus was standing at the door, just standing in the door way and ask me, “What did I ask you to do, follow me?”
I stopped and said “Forgive me, I thought we were just walking.”
Jesus said, “That is one of your problems, I ask you to follow me and you thought: and you did not do what I ask.”
Oh, no, this is not a joke. I walked back and waited for Jesus to start walking then I followed.
It was late evening just before dark. The sun was just setting. I love this time of day. We are walking and I am not sure where we were. I know I had not been here before but, I knew it was not heaven. I could hear a crowd somewhere which was roaring so loud. It was not anywhere to be seen but I could hear the crowd. It was like standing outside of an OU game when they score a touchdown. The difference was it was so much louder, it was amazing. I was not afraid. I was very at peace and safe following Jesus. He just walked and we talked about life. I ask him many questions which I had thought of in my life.
He told me “Not to worry about that, just follow me.”
We saw many people on the street and they looked at me talking to Jesus and when Jesus would answer the people seemed to shy away from me. I saw the street in many ways. There was a post office and drug store next to each other which seemed familiar. I looked at people holding hands and smiles on each other’s face. They looked like people in love with each other or maybe on a date. The people seemed normal and were shopping and eating.
We walked by a little outdoor café and I heard a person say, “Hurry up that is him, we need to go.”
I ask Jesus “Why are they looking at me so weird.”
Jesus told me, “They cannot see or hear me talking to you.”
I thought to myself, wake up I am not sure about this walk. I am thinking wow this may not turn out like I am thinking.
Jesus stops and says “So you will know, I know all you think and can hear your thoughts.”
I said, “Jesus I am afraid.”
He said “Why are you afraid.”
I told him “I am not a good person, I have sinned and am feeling all those walking with you right now. Jesus, I know you and what you have done for me but, I have never felt I deserved anything you have done for me.”
He said, “I know, and you are so wrong to ever feel that way, many feel this way. But it’s good, in a certain way you feel this way, you are correct to know you have no reason to be saved.”
Then he said, “My Father loved you so much that he wanted eternal life for you, like Adam.”
He turned around and started walking again. I saw kids playing football and baseball and it looked like so much fun. I looked across the road and there were kids with nothing. They looked sad. I felt sad. I looked into a window and there were a group of people which seemed to be listening to a person at the front of the room. All were listening so intensely. I wondered who they were and Jesus stopped and said “That is part of my body.”
As I followed Jesus I was very quiet and just looked at him from behind. After a long walk with people looking at us, we turned a corner and there was a huge stadium like complex, with people in line to go into the stadium. I was so confused; I just looked at this complex. People were in lines which seemed so long and the crowd was so big.
As we walked by I could hear the people say, “There he is.” I moved close to Jesus, I seemed to be stepping on his heels. I actually was walking into him and could not feel him. My senses could see him and I could not feel him. We kept walking thru the crowd and people would spread apart and say “He is here.” I just kept thinking now they can see Jesus and they know something special was going to happen.
We walked thru a special gate and went inside the stadium with a crowd that was so big I had never seen anything as amazing. I had watched Alex pitch with a crowd all the way around the field at least 4 deep to watch. All the people were chanting against Alex while he pitched a 1 hitter and struck out 13. I watched Lindsay play a match with 25,000 people watching. Cheering, and I never felt the feeling she received by playing in front of that many people. I had little 5,000 people crowds watching baseball games. Baseball people are different: they just only cheer if someone does something. Not, like Alex and Lindsay. This crowd inside this stadium was so loud I just wondered what Jesus was going to do. I was still walking behind him and we walked into a room and he told me just to sit down. I sit there and he sat in front of me and started talking.
Jesus said, “I ask all my children to do this, you are not the first or the last.”
I just sat there and did not move. My body was very weak. My body was so tired I just leaned back in my chair and said, “Yes, Lord I will do what you ask.”
I couldn’t see too well, as he kept telling me, “It’s almost time to go, just rest. I will let you know when we go.”
I kept thinking why I am tired, worn out, seemed to be fading physically. How can I walk to the stadium? It would be a great walk with Jesus but, I am so tired. I didn’t know for sure what he wanted me to do but, anything he wanted now I would do without hesitation.
I was slumped over in my chair and Jesus came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s time to go.”
I stood up and really felt good. I ask, “Where are we going.”
Jesus said, “I have something I want you to do.”
I said “Sure.”
I could hear the crowd in the stadium and they were so loud now the stadium was shaking. I could not understand what they were chanting but, they were saying something about Jesus, was all I could understand. This time I followed Jesus out the door, and made a real effort to make sure he was ahead of me. We walked down a long corridor which seemed to be leading nowhere then we turned a corner and I could see the crowd in the distance.
I stopped and said to Jesus, “We are not going out there together are we?”
Jesus looked me in the eyes and said “Yes, we are.”
He told me “I have something I need you to do and, I will be with you every step you take.”
I ask him, “You will not leave me?”
He said, “I have always been with you, everything you ever did I was with you, everything you are going to do, I am, and will be with you now.”
I thought to myself “I AM” which I knew he was “I AM.” Jesus turned and said “YES, I AM.”
All of a sudden loud trumpets sounded and the crowd was completely quiet. The trumpets were of all pitches and tones unheard of by man, in harmony like I have never heard. I have learned there are only 12 tones as humans we know of. The tones of these trumpets seemed to have so many more than 12 tones. I just listened and was actually ready to run into the crowd. They were the most beautiful sounding tones I had ever heard or even could imagine.
Jesus said, “Wait until I say we go.” I was ready just like in a big baseball game. Let’s get started Jesus I thought. He turned again and said, “It’s not time yet.”
Then the lights turned off in the stadium and Jesus turned and said “Let’s start the walk.”
I was right behind him and out of the tunnel was a giant stream of smoke, with laser lights flashing all over the stadium and Jesus said, “Follow me.”
As we walked through the smoke a spot light shined on us and the crowd started to cheer like no human has ever heard in their life. I know looking around the stadium was at least a million people here in this stadium. I did not talk again, I communicated with Jesus just by thought because I knew nobody could hear anything said to anybody else.
I ask Jesus “What is this.”
Jesus said, “Follow me and I will show you.”
As we walked out on the field Jesus started walking to one end of what looked like a football field. It was not a football field; it was grass which was the brightest green I had ever seen. I did not pay much attention to the crowd at all. I was following Jesus and when we got to the end of the field he pointed to the other end.
Jesus said, “Ronny I want you to walk to the other end of the grass.”
I looked and looked at the crowd. I did not see any people I knew. I said, “Who are these people.”
Jesus said, “You will see as we walk.”
I noticed the field seemed to marked over on the side with the numbers 10,20,30,40……to 100. There were no lines across the field just the brightest green field I have ever seen. I also noticed the end of the field was a curtain. I was not sure what was behind the curtain but let’s go see.
I ask Jesus, “When do we start.”
He said, “Are you ready for this walk?”
I said, “Why do you ask that way, with that tone of voice.”
Jesus said, “These people are here to see you walk this walk, are you ready to walk for me.” I was not sure what Jesus meant, but I said “Yes.”
I started to take my first step and stopped. I turned to Jesus and said, “I only go if I follow you.”
Jesus smiled and stepped on the grass. He turned and held his hand out. Jesus had never wanted to hold my hand on our trip here. I wondered why now. Jesus said, “You can only take this trip if I am holding you.”
I now stepped on the grass and I was so taken back by what I felt. I felt a change which so strange it’s not describable. Remember, I felt so safe with Jesus holding me. I was instantly changed to a little child. I never felt this feeling ever that I could remember. It was so fearful to feel this way. I was lost but had some comfort from somewhere. It seemed forever before I took the next step. I felt safer and could understand more in my mind. I was little, so little in my mind.
Jesus said, “Take one more step.”
I stepped one more time and wow what a change in my mind, I was completely safe in my mind. I felt some love, and around me were people who cared.
I ask Jesus, “What is going on”?
Jesus said, “You will know as we keep walking.”
I ask Jesus, “Can people see you in the crowd.”
He said, “Some can, some can’t, it’s up to them.” I walked very slowly and each step was a change in my mind. I started to know people, my brothers, sisters, mom, dad, granddad, grandma, relatives. I was still small but each was coming into my mind with each step. It still did not dawn on me what was happening. I was about half way to the sign which had the number 10 on it.
I felt sadness about half way there and Jesus said, “Do you know I was there.” I said, “No, I did not see you. I just remember being in the hospital a long time.
Jesus said, “Oh, I have always been there with you.” I bowed my head and stopped for a minute. Then I heard a chat coming from the crowd. “Go Ronny Go, Go Ronny Go.”
I looked at Jesus and he said, “These people want you to continue, do you want to get to the end.”
I said, “Yes.”
I took another step and now there was school in my mind. I thought this is my life!
Jesus said, “Yes, do you want to see it all.”
I told him “Jesus, will you hold my hand this last trip.”
He smiled and said, “I told you I would never let you go, for eternity.”
I had instant fear come over me. I knew all I had done. I thought are we going to see all I did. I lied, hide, I was the biggest sinner I knew. I was not sure if I wanted to take this walk in front of millions of people.
Jesus said, “Do you believe in me?”
I was taken back for a minute and just stood there stunned. I then had a big smile and said, “Let’s go.”
I said to Jesus, “There is some really bad things in my life, do we have to see them.”
Jesus said, “I covered all those with my blood, why do you worry.” I felt so small, so little after that truth from Jesus.”
I took a step and a pain in my mind hit me that was so hard to handle.
Jesus held my hand and said, “Its fine; was it not ok?”
I stood up and my mind let me see all that happened during this period of my life. I was about at the 10 marker and my dad was gone, and I lived with my granddad and grandma. It was a very hard time for me. I took another step and it was amazing how it felt better.
Jesus said, “See I was with you, and all was good.”
I said, “It was perfect as I stand here.” It was your first look at loss of something which was so important to me and all was good. I saw fishing, and fishing and fishing and my granddad and grandma as if they were so amazing. It was good. My dad lived for another 40 years. Life was actually very, very good.
I took another step and fell to my knees and was crying. Jesus helped me up and said “Why the emotion.”
I said, “Jesus you came to me, I accepted you as my Lord and King for everything in my life.”
Jesus said, “Yes, on that couch in the front room, in your little house were 30-40 people singing.”
Jesus said, “That is why you are on this walk.”
I again stood up and said, “I don’t understand.”
Jesus said, “Look in the crowd.” I looked around and the crowd was completely quiet. I could not comprehend what was going on.
Jesus said, “Look again at the crowd, how many people do you know”? I looked hard at all these people and saw some people I knew. There was my mom and dad, my grandma and granddad, there was my brother Don. I was now really confused at what was going on. I am not sure why I am looking and seeing this. Why am I walking this walk with Jesus holding on to me? Why in front of millions of people?
Jesus said, “Keep walking slowly.”
I took another step and there was now baseball. Oh, I loved baseball. I took tiny little steps and there was more baseball. Wow, I felt so comfortable. I felt a happiness that is not in my vocabulary. I kept taking tiny steps until I got to a day which I was in Shawnee, Okla. I just stood there and one of the most perfect days of my life.
I ask Jesus, “Can I stand here a minute.”
Jesus said, “Stand there as long as you like.”
My mind just replayed that day when Pat got out of the car with my mom and dad to watch me play. It was the first time she watched me play ball. I hit a triple in the 13th inning and we won the game. Standing hold hands with Jesus and feeling this
Jesus said, “I knew you loved her when you were in Junior High.”
Jesus said, “Pat is my child, and is my child forever.”
I just thought how I loved her so much, and Jesus already knew that we would be together. Wow, that is not comprehendible to me. This walk from the 10-20 markers I took such tiny steps it was like it took hours to walk between the two markers. Everything was so exciting. I loved this part of my life. With Pat I was so happy all the time.
Why do I not see the problems we had. I ask Jesus, “We would break up all the time and get back together, where is that I don’t see it.”
He said, “How can you see the bad, there was no bad! All things are good who believe in me. There can be nothing which is bad in your life.”
I did understand but, I didn’t understand. Jesus said “Yes in the physical all looks completely different than the world I live. If you looked from where I looked from, you would see there is nothing which is bad except the rejection of me.”
Jesus said in a sad voice, “That makes me sad and I hope and give hope to those who don’t know the truth.” Then I looked at Jesus and thought, you are the TRUTH.
Jesus said, “Yes, I am.”
I stood there longer and when he said, “I AM” Moses came to my mind and I smiled a big smile and wanted to jump up and down.
Jesus said, “You have a long walk, don’t get too excited right now.”
I just keep taking little tiny steps until I crossed the 20 marker. Then there was the day which was the second greatest day of my life. There was Pat and I standing in front of a church crowd saying “I DO.” My life could have ended on that day and it would have been a perfect life. It dawned on me now this is my complete life I am looking at. Why the crowd?
I ask Jesus “Why are all these people here? We could have walked this with just you and me.”
Jesus said, “You will find out on down toward the curtain. Just look and enjoy your life.”
I started taking more time at each step, to see my life. Each day was such a great experience and seeing Jesus just in front of me and holding my hand it was so perfect. My life till now was so perfect and I never knew.
Jesus said, “Look over there and see your Granddad, he is here to make sure you are ok.”
I said, “Why would he worry or be here now.”
Jesus said, “He is only here to see you walk this walk. He walked this walk with great humbleness and grace that he wants you to do the same.”
I ask Jesus, “Have I failed him?”
There was no answer, Jesus just pointed toward the curtain. I guess I will find out, which sent a chill down my spine.
Now each step I took was with Pat. I told Jesus, “This is starting to bother me with her always in my mind. It’s a new responsibility which I did not know I had so much I should have done for her.” Jesus said, “Hold my hand it will be fine, you will see.”
I took bigger steps hoping and hoping all would turn out good. It was on my mind. Jesus stopped and said, “Why do you not believe me? I told you a few steps ago, nothing is bad. Why do you worry? Trust me! Believe in me! All will be perfect.”
I said, “I was not good, I was so selfish, greedy, and I was not any good and I think I was such a sinner I am not sure I deserve to even be here. I know this and you know this.”
He smiled and said, “Let’s go.” I relaxed some. Jesus smiled and said, “About time.”
I held Jesus’s hand so tight. We started walking very slow. I saw trips, houses, people, churches, and Pat and I were so happy. I never took life too serious and all seemed to be good. I reached right in between the 20-30 mark and stopped in my tracks. Jesus just stood there and did not say a word. In front of me was a little baby. It was handed to Pat and I from a figure I could not make out who he or she was. Without saying a word, Jesus said, “Yes that was me.”
I looked at all who were around Pat and I. It was so many people I had not even given a second thought to for years and years. This little boy was so precious and I remembered coming home from work and laying him on my chest and just let him lay for hours. This was life changing and life was never going to be the same. Pat and I now had been given a child and our lives changed lives forever.
I took another step and now Alex our child was dying. He was wasting away and doctors told us he had strep throat and was a carrier of strep. We were scared and the only place to turn was to God.
Jesus said, “I was there all the time, why were you scared of anything?”
I said, “My child was dying.”
Jesus said, “What if you father sent you to die, what would you have done.”
I said, “How could I have let him die.”
Jesus said, “Would you worried if you knew I was there and turned to me for whatever happened.”
I thought, this is not right to ask. Jesus said, “Oh, not right, not fair, how can you say what is fair or right, who created this child and gave you this child?”
I said, “Forgive me.”
Jesus said, “I remember the prayers you said, and answered them.”
I said “Jesus, I don’t remember even praying.” I would think I would and would hope I did but, I don’t remember saying any prayers.
Jesus said, “Pat prayed night and day. I gave Pat the answer if you remember. She wanted to go to an ear, nose and throat doctor who took his tonsils out. All was solved.” Alex lived a healthy life.
I am walking and starting to understand did I really trust Jesus, or did I say I did and walked my own way. It seemed I made all wrong choices.
Jesus stopped and said, “You have no memory over 5 minutes do you.”
I smiled and took another step. I had forgotten about the crowd. It was like a baseball game. I remember not ever hearing anybody ever in the stands. I never paid any attention to the crowd. People on our team would talk about things said in the stands or behind the dugout. I don’t remember ever hearing the crowd and I wasn’t’ hearing anything now. I stood for a minute and the crowd was even louder than I first started. I ask Jesus, “I still don’t understand why millions and millions of people are here for me and you to walk down this field.”
He said, “You will understand closer to the end.” I just took another step.
Oh, that step was a big one. I see me backing out of the drive way and I know where I am going. I am going to see my Granddad for the last time alive. I look over into the stands and see him with his hat on and just sitting and watching. He knew where I was on my trip and he just sat there and everybody was cheering. He smiled at me and I stood a minute and with tears in my eyes, I took one more step and he died.
I ask Jesus, “Can I back up one step.”
Jesus said “No, This walk is one way only.” I looked over and Granddad was now standing. I smiled and he was smiling.
I walked for a while now as life was becoming a routine which was very comfortable. Church, Work, Home, Alex, and Pat all were just a complete life at this time. Our teachers, friends and family were actually all any man could expect. Life was good for this walk.
I turned to Jesus and said “Thank you for a great life during this period.”
Jesus said, “Remember everything is good, not just when the physical is good.”
Why would he say that? I was just thanking him for all he gave us during this period of our life. Of course he is looking from a different direction than I am. So what is ahead, I thought I knew all that was going to be ahead but, did I?
Then the next step Pat and I was handed another child. Pat had to go through tremendous pain and Jesus hands this little child to me. I was now a father again and the first one I think I am failing to raise correctly. I did the same thing with this child, laid her on my chest. It was again so nice to feel this again. She was so small, unprotected and I was holding her.
I ask Jesus, “I know you were there but I felt so uncertain, why?”
Jesus said, “Trust.”
I looked at Jesus and said, “Yes, we say we trust but, completely is so hard.”
Jesus said smiling, “Really, ask my Father when I was here and knew why I was here. I didn’t really understand the answer. I knew what he was talking about but, the answer seemed incomplete.”
Jesus said, “You will see as we walk the completeness of my answer.”
I kept walking and nothing really bothered me in the steps I was taking. Each is what I was starting to realize. I was not deserving of Jesus’s sacrifice. Each step gave me a greater understanding of what Jesus had done for me. I saw in my mind pictures of happiness, sadness, emptiness, love, and people with great love in their hearts. I saw each one of my mistakes and some choices which were good. Each step was making more sense of the trip I was walking down this field of grass and I finally looked up. Holding Jesus hand very firm I looked to the end of the walk and realized I had not walked very far toward the curtain. I was getting nowhere close to the end of the field. I stood for a second and again noticed the crowd. The crowd was still cheering but, I had not heard them. I looked toward the curtain and a thought crossed my mind about what was behind that curtain for the first time.
Jesus said, “Don’t look down the field; you can only look at what is now. Does no good to worry about your next step, just follow me.”
I thought to myself, I have been told this minute after minute and I am just now starting to understand this, why?
Jesus said, “Oh, its common, people worry about tomorrow, it’s very common. You are no different than most in this stadium.”
I took another step and the pain and sadness of my mother and grandmother came into my mind. I could see and feel the pain both went through during their life’s end. I took another step and the sadness went away.
I ask Jesus “Why, they suffered so much?”
Jesus said, “You will see later but, how do you know they suffered? Did they suffer or were you thinking they were suffering? How can you tell they were not happy? Who is in control and how can you know what others feel without being my Father.”
Jesus said, “Pain, What is Pain? Sadness, what is Sadness? Tell me what they are! You can’t even start to feel the pain or sadness my Father feels. But, what comes from my Father to you? Love, Love, Love. Pain is Physical; Sadness is Emotional, so tell me if you feel this, what should you be doing all the time?”
I could not even comprehend what he was saying. It made no common sense to me. I griped his hand a little firmer.
Jesus said, “Lets walk I have given you too much to grasp.”
I took another step and such happiness was here. Alex playing baseball and Lindsay playing tennis and I am in my glory years. I took one more step and noticed that I was beside Jesus. I did not know what to do or say. I could and would not move. I would not or could not say anything. I was to follow him only. That is all he had asked. Now I had put myself even with him. I know, knew, remembered and now I have screwed up big time. I could not even see anything in my mind. Nothing was showing up. I heard the crowd and they were like I was in the middle of a forest with nobody around. I could not hear anything at all. My thoughts were numb and I did not know what to do. Jesus had told me do not step backward so I had nowhere to go.
Jesus looked over at me and asked “What is wrong?”
I said, “Forgive me Father I have not obeyed your will.”
Jesus said, “You are forgiven and needed not to worry. You knew your sin, it is now no more.”
I said, “Thank you, Jesus.”
I ask Jesus, “Can I stand here a minute.”
He said, “Of course.”
As I stood there I started to remember from where we had walked from the times I did the exact same thing and did not realize it till now. I would pray for the will of God to take place and do my own thing. I prayed for forgiveness and kept doing the same things over and over. I know I was forgiven but did I repent. This thought was bothering me and I could not get it out of my mind after I walked up by Jesus and not followed him. Jesus squeezed my hand and got my attention.
Jesus said “Lets walk some more.”
Now I was really messed up in my mind. He did not give me any advice about my thoughts I was thinking. I wondered why?
I took another step and there were many thoughts and pictures in my mind. Churches, Family, People from work, Alex and Lindsay’s friends, such confusion in my mind. I could not take all this in it was so amazingly filling my brain I wanted it all to stop.
I ask Jesus, “Can I stop these thoughts and take them slowly.”
Jesus said, “This was how your life was at that time so no it is a picture of your time at that period in time?”
I took another step and it continued at the same pace. I took another step and it started to slow down. I was so stressed watching the last two steps I was getting a little tired.
I ask Jesus again, “Please don’t let go of my hand.”
Jesus said, “For the 1000th time I am not letting go of you ever again.”
We stood as I watched Pat working so hard, Alex and Lindsay excelling in all they did. I was working as I always did, not too hard. My family started to come more together than in years. It was a good period, it went too fast. It was all going too fast. I looked over and had moved up almost to the 40 marker.
I said to Jesus, “I am the chief of all sinners, and what I have seen has not been as bad as I thought.”
Jesus said, “Your sins are on me, I took your sins, is that so hard to believe?”
I told him, “I know you took my sins away, but the people who I hurt were affected.”
Jesus said something which I became very weak when he said it.
Jesus said, “I took your sins, washed white as snow. Now the consequences of your sins are still around. You forgave, did the others forgive you?”
I bowed my head and said, “I don’t know.”
He said, “They have to choose to forgive, and it’s not your problem after you confess your sin and forgive them.”
I felt very tired and weak now can I sit down. Jesus said “Yes.”
I sat down and wondered how many people I had hurt in the past from where we were. I know I hated no one, or even disliked no one on earth. What if they hate me today? I wonder if people really hate me on this earth. I was worn out now, and I was not to the 40 marker yet. Jesus placed his hand on my head and I stood up. As I stood I felt strength come back into my body.
I ask Jesus, “Do you understand what I was thinking.”
He said “Yes, don’t worry about anything it’s taken care of ahead of our walk.”
I took my next step and another pain hit me. A deep pain, which was different than the other pains I had felt. My mind saw Jack Ford. My best friend and he died at 39 years old. I knew why, in physical terms and always just accepted his death. Inside me it was the first death of a friend. It’s different than a family member dying. I can’t explain in words the difference it’s just different. Jack told Lonnie, my brother he believed in Jesus and knew his belief was real. Yes, he was not good but believed Jesus loved him. I knew he is here somewhere so I stopped and looked. I spotted him and for the first time I laughed. He was so far up in the stadium but I could see him very well. He was in the nose bleed section. I just thought about his life, and all I knew he had done. There was Jack smiling and pointing to the curtain. He was telling me to get there.
I walked a step and was in a mess. My mind knew where this was going. I had a family, kids, church, and some bad choices in front of me. I took one more step and stopped.
I ask Jesus, “Can we run through this part of my life.”
Jesus said, “No, it’s the best part of your life.”
I told Jesus, “I failed you more in the next 10 years than I think I failed you in my lifetime.” Jesus actually laughed.
Jesus said, “You look the wrong direction all the time. You prayed and prayed for many things in your life and I gave you what you needed.” I looked at him and agreed.
I said Jesus, “you gave me everything I ever needed, I give you the praise and glory for all you have done for me and my family.”
Jesus said, “Lets walk and you will see that I am who I say you should be.”
That line bothered me. It didn’t sound comforting at all. So, I took a small step. I saw myself consumed with Lindsay and her tennis. I now wanted to run away. Jesus knew this and said, “Wait, do you not know what you did?”
I said, “Yes, I took Lindsay and put her in a place that a man was charged with molesting young girls and is in jail. I took Lindsay to a place in the mountains and left her as she was crying to come home. I let Lindsay stay with abusive couple out of wedlock. I turned her over to a couple who got devoiced and Lindsay fell in love with this older guy. I let her be abandoned, abused, and her dad wanted her to be number 1 in the world. This is sick of me. I was wrong, all the time praying and all this happened to her.”
Jesus said, “What happened to Lindsay?” I stood and thought.
Jesus asked again, “What has happened to Lindsay? Give me an answer!”
Jesus was very firm in asking “What is wrong with your children! Who do you think you are, trying to take or get credit for their lives? Did you not give both your children to me as babies by holding them up in your backyard and telling my Father this child is yours, do your will with them. You ever thought you had no control of all that went on?”
I said, “You entrusted to me my children for you and I failed.”
Jesus said, “Lets walk, you need to see more and more.” Jesus seemed upset at me. But, never let go of my hand.
I took one more little step. I saw a picture of Pat having cancer. I saw Lindsay and Alex upset. I did not stay there but a second. I took another step quickly. Pat was healed, Lindsay and Alex were married. All seemed good.
Jesus said, “Oh, amazed?”
I said, “Looking this way at this period in my life, yes I am amazed.” In one step the entire world turned upside down and then its right side up.
Jesus said, “Did I tell you that you look at life so wrong. You should be looking at me instead of looking at all that is around you.”
I said “Jesus, my life changed in those few years until now.” I continued, “I have not been very good, and I know now I have been always looking at the next bad event in my life. I know what you say, why is it so hard for me to follow you instead of running around doing what I do.”
Jesus said, “Sit down.” I sat down and he sat there a minute and he turned and said, “What are you thinking.”
I said, “Why did we sit down.”
Jesus smiled and said, “Why did you not look around and soak in the moment all around you.”
He said, “All just run, run until they hit the wall and that’s when they sit down and look around. Why not look around all the time and see what my Father has done. Nobody is satisfied with just loving all that they have and will be given as they go thru this walk. If we started this walk over, how would you have looked at all that you have seen and heard.”
I thought for a minute and said to Jesus, “I would have walked with more faith, trust, love, and I would have known all was perfect because of you.”
I had tears in my eyes and sat there with my head down. Jesus said “Why is your head down?” I said, “I feel like I failed. I feel like I walked my life not being with you.”
Jesus let go of my hand. Oh, you talk about a change in this moment. I was surrounded by such evil, so many feelings of something I can’t explain. I was so scared I was in total chaos and scared to insanity. I was getting ready to run and Jesus put his hand on my shoulder. I was changed instantly. I was back to where we were before.
Jesus said, “Now tell me, were you with me and I with you, your complete life.”
Jesus said “Look into my eyes. Were we ever apart, not connected and completely in my Fathers will. Sure you made choices which many would have not made but, you made them. Now you tell me, were they not completely ended in the will and glory of my Father.”
I ask, “Jesus, did your Father get the glory, please tell me even with my choices did he get the glory.”
Jesus took both my hands into his and said, “I promise you my Father will always get the glory no matter what choice you make.” Jesus said “Stand up. It’s time to walk on to the end.”
I ask Jesus “Can I have one minute to look around.”
Jesus said “Sure.” I just stood there not looking at really anything but thinking about the rest of the trip.
Jesus said, “Why did you ask me to look around when you are thinking about the rest of the trip we are taking.”
I said, “I was looking ahead to prepare my spirit for what is good.”
Jesus said, “Ok.” The next few steps were strange because I did not know what was happening. It seemed confusing but, I did not stop walking. I then step and felt a shock through my whole system.
Jesus looked at me and said “What is your problem?”
I said, “This is the day in the alley behind work.” “I was at such a crossroads with the worldly system I was going truly insane.”
I excitedly told Jesus, “This is the day, this is the day.”
Jesus, “I walked out back at work and in the middle of the day I raise my hands and ask God to kill me. Help me; do anything with me you please. I was yelling in that alley as loud as I could. I wanted God to hear me.”
Jesus said, “I was there and you were yelling really loud.”
I said, “I could not handle anymore life on this earth. I was completely worn out, tired, and exhausted with this world.” I just stood there feeling such a relief that Jesus knew my lot at that time. I knew he was there but, never in the context of now in the middle of this field.
I took another step and there I was without a job, filed bankruptcy, was scared of this world. I was not in shape to work after a year or two and looked at all the love that was around me at that time.
I turned to Jesus and said, “I think, but would you assure me that I did ok during this time.”
Jesus said, “You were perfect because you keep your faith and hope in me. You always turned to me and that is the key to your eternal life.”
I said, “So many helped me and I have not ever thanked them enough, have I?”
Jesus said, “Thank them for whose love. Think about what you just said. Think hard on the words you used.”
I couldn’t think about what he meant, what is he saying. I took one more step and said Jesus, “I would thank your Father for the love he gave these people, to give to me!” Jesus stopped and turned to me and asked me a question which I knew the answer but never understood deep inside my soul.
Jesus said, “Ronny, where does all love come from?”
Then he said, “My Father is the only reason there is any love anywhere, and everywhere!” It was a loving complete sentence which Jesus just told me. There is no love anywhere without God all Mighty.
Jesus said, “Your knowledge and wisdom is growing.” Wow what a thought. We have no love in us which we give without God the Father giving us his love to give to others. Oh, I was so ashamed I never figured this out before now.
Jesus said “You are revealed certain thoughts when you can comprehend them. It would have done no good to show this until now.”
Jesus actually gave a small laugh and said “You are funny when you learn something new. Let’s get to walking.”
The next step I took was nothing with all that was going on. I just kept walking and seeing the love of God everywhere I went. I was at the 60 marker and something happened I forgot about in our walk. I was really sick for the first time in my life. I didn’t realize this is the first time I had been actually sick until I took this step. I was 60 years and had not really been hospital sick physically. Wow, I thought to myself.
Jesus said, “Yes, you’re sick for the first time, and you just figured that out? You have seen many sick people but you have never lain in the bed of the sick person. All you did is get really sad and hide from this point.”
I ask Jesus, “I sinned didn’t I?”
Jesus said “Sinned? How did you sin?”
I said, “I should have helped more and had more compassion for the sick and dying in my life.”
Jesus said, “I will not answer that one question because you will answer it in the eternal life you have.”
Again an answer I did not expect. What does that mean? I will find out later, not understand? This was a bothersome answer. I didn’t like the answer, just tell me I sinned. Jesus turned and looked at me and I looked at him and he smiled. Now I was shaken to my toes.
I stopped and ask him, “Tell me what you mean.”
Jesus said, “Why worry about a little answer such as that? Don’t be concerned now about the past anymore, your future is that vale.”
I said, “What vale?”
Jesus pointed toward what I thought was a curtain. It was not a curtain. It was like a mist falling from the sky. A VERY dark rain. You could not see through the rain. It was a concerning, worrisome, and dark image. I stood and thought a minute and remembered Jesus said he would never let me go so I was not worried.
Jesus turned and said, “Ronny, that is a few steps off the grass and you will take the last steps on your own. I am always with you but, you have to go through this with me on the other side vale.”
I thought holy crap, this ain’t right. It was still a long ways away. I was a little past the 60 marker and there was the 100 marker way down there.
I stood there and ask Jesus “I am at the end of this trip? Do I get to leave now and go back home?”
Jesus said, “Home? Where is home?”
I thought ok what is going on. What am I to do? I am here and am I dead? Am I alive? What am I a spirit, soul, a physical being what am I?”
Jesus says “You know you can walk through the vale and see what is behind there.”
I ask, “Can I come back.”
Jesus said, “Go see.”
I let go of Jesus hand and wow, it was there again, Evil beyond belief.
I grab his hand and said “NO. I am not leaving you. I will not go without you.”
Jesus smiled and just stood there looking into the stadium. He said, “Ronny you have not paid much attention to who is here.”
I looked around the stadium and the stadium was 3 times the size as when I walked in. I looked to the top of the stadium and I could see people who looked as if they were right next to me. I had telescope lenses for eyes. They were as clear as if they were standing right beside me. I knew these people, I told Jesus their names.
I ask Jesus, “How do I know them, I have never seen them.”
Jesus said, “Look at the vale.”
I was not scared; I was just totally taken back because the vale and the 100 marker was moving closer to Jesus and I. I was still just past the 60 sign and the vale was about to pass the 70 sign.
I ask Jesus “Am I dead.”
Jesus said, “No, the vale moves back and forth so you know that life is precious and perfect no matter what state you are in. The vale is the sign of completeness. Only my Father knows when 100% of your life is. When you have lived 100% of your life is when you pass through the vale. Let’s sit a minute and talk because I know you have questions.”
I said, “Yes a few questions about all of this that is happening.”
Jesus asked me “Do you remember Steve Adams and his brother from the 1st grade.”
I said “yes.”
Jesus said “I walked this walk with them and when we started they started running down the grass. I had to run hard to get in front of them. I had to stop them and both were surprised. They knew of me. They were in such a hurry to get through the vale it was amazing.”
Jesus I said, “They drowned trying to save each other from drowning, I never forgot them.”
Jesus said “Think about that statement. Why would you remember someone from 50 years ago.”
I said, “What I remember is they were twins and I thought really nice. When I heard the story it impressed me, Steve’s brother gave up his life for his brother to try and save him.”
Jesus said, “Am I your brother”?
Now what a question the only thought that came to me is what the next questions are.
I said, “Yes.”
He asks the next question and now he surprised me and I was completely confused when he asked, “Would you die to save yourself?” I did not know how to answer this question. I don’t know what you mean.
Jesus said, “Yes you know exactly what I am saying.”
I said, “Jesus, please I don’t know if I will answer it correctly. I am afraid to answer.”
Jesus sat there and did not say a word. It was silent in the stands. It was like if I answered wrong I fail.
I finally searched inside and answered “I would die for you, I would die for my brothers and sisters, and yes I would die to live.”
I said to Jesus, “Yes I would die for me.”
I ask, “Why did the question seem selfish and self-centered? I feel I answered wrong, why?”
Jesus said “You’re in the Physical, and thinking physical, that is a physical answer.”
Then Jesus looked me in the eyes and said, “You cannot die, that is the answer.”
I actually smiled and said “Yes, I understand your question now.”
Jesus said, “I need to show you something which is more amazing than anything you have ever seen or heard.”
Jesus said, “You need to pay attention to what I am about to say cause for some it’s hard to follow. Clear your mind, try and concentrate on my words.”
Jesus starts talking, “When I came I walked around and picked twelve men to follow me. One was not mine, so really I had eleven. I lived, ate, talked, traveled and gave all I knew from my Father to these eleven. From these eleven they had weak faith in me. I knew these men’s hearts were everything my Father needed. Also, everything I did confused them and they were amazed so easy. From these eleven who elected another to make twelve and whole world learned about me. I know you know this part of the picture. The big picture was each one touched others. Peter touched 3000 on the day of the Pentecost. Others of the group touched others and the others touched others. Now, how many have those twelve touched by today.”
I said, “Billions of people.”
Jesus said, “Exactly right.”
Jesus said, “Look at the people in the stadium.”
I looked all around the stadium and all the people were not cheering just standing and listening to Jesus. Jesus said, “You do not know it but these are the people you touched in your life.”
I looked around and said, “I am sorry but I never saw these people.”
Jesus said, “You have such a small little world you live in, it’s just about you. Let’s start with your beginning way back there at the beginning.”
I interrupted Jesus and said, “Forgive me, I have not saved anyone or as they say brought anyone to you.” Jesus started laughing and it was a real laugh. It was a laugh which started everybody laughing. This laughter went on for about 2 minutes.
He looked at me a said, “Get out of YOURSELF.” I was embarrassed and Jesus knew this. He placed his hand on my head and said, “Shut your eyes.” I will show you what your life meant to this earth and for my body to be built for eternity.”
My mind was changed to see so many people who my Granddad touched, my Grandma touched, my mom and dad, brothers, sister. There thousands upon thousands were touched by just these few people.
He took his hand off and asked me “Do you understand what I am showing you.”
I said, “I am not sure, I can see a few people touched millions.”
He said, “You see so miniature, like you’re a tiny little ameba.”
Jesus said, “Ronny, you touched in some way or another, everybody’s lives in this stadium.”
I just sat there not believing anybody could touch this many people.
Jesus said, “I know your amazed and do not believe this can happen, but how did twelve people change the complete world. No different than you and the people around you all your life. I will tell you when Pat takes this walk it will have to be at center court. You’re not even in the BIG STADIUM.”
I smiled and said, “Now I can believe that.”
He looked at me and I at him and he said, “You ready to walk again.”
I said “Yes.”
Jesus said, “Now is the time to tell you when we get to the vale you have to enter alone, I cannot hold your hand. You will go through the vale by yourself. Nobody can help you go through the vale when my Father says its time. The trip may be very, very hard to get to the vale. From this point on it’s important to know I am always with you. Please, do not forget I will never let your hand go, EVER!”
I looked at him and the vale was no more than 5 steps away. I turned to Jesus and said, “You will walk me off this grass?” Jesus said, “I told you I would.” We started walking hand in hand. This walk had nothing which was in my mind. I thought of nothing. The end of the grass came and before I stepped off Jesus said, “I love you and will love you forever.”
I stepped off the grass and Jesus was gone. The crowd was gone. I was alone, so alone. I was like in utter and complete darkness in my soul. Then from the sides two figures were walking toward me. They were a site to behold. Both were completely white. So white you could not see any features about them except I felt they were good. I felt goodness and love. One stood on one side of me and the other on the right side. I was not feeling I was dying. I thought if I was going to through the vale, it’s at death and death was hard.
I asked, “Why is this so easy for me.”
One of the figures said, “You have skipped the hard part.”
I said “Thank you Lord for blessing me with this gift.”
The figure said, “Sorry, you have not skipped anything.” Both figures wrapped their wings around me and I was in complete light. I thought wow, I am going to heaven.
The next moment, I was in my bed. Fully dressed and I sit up. I was so upset I woke up. I was going to heaven and now I am back here in this crap of the physical world. I sat on the bed with my hands on my cheeks, bent over and just thought I really thought I was walking with Jesus. It was just a dream, just another dream about heaven. I lay back down and was so dejected. I just laid there and thought about all that went on. All of a sudden I could remember everything that went on. I did not dress this way to go to bed. My hat is on my head. I still have my tennis shoes on with socks. I got up and ran into the closet; there were my flip/flops. I ran to the front door. It was wide open. I ran outside and my home was the same, with Mimi two doors down. Pat was still asleep. The alarm, I turned it off at 4pm. I ran back into the room and the alarm time was 7pm. Could this be real? I am not saying yes or no I am saying ………..I ran to the computer and started writing.
We (Marcy and I) have enjoyed reading your Bog. on your “life experiences”. You have met one of your goals . That is for us to appreciate what we have had and to set and archive new goals. Marcy and Pete.