Warning……Do not read this if you have any problem with being sad. I had written a different topic, for this week. Not serious at all. This is not the writing I wrote to put up on my blog but, it is what I have been involved in all week. To live on this earth you will have to be in the world and this will lead to sadness.
What is sadness? This is the question I have right now in my life. There is happiness also within me. What is the answer to these words which many have given definitions? I am writing to try and get some relief of the thoughts which go in and out of my mind. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am different from the rest of the people in the world they know. I don’t know why but I will agree.
I am talking about a sadness inside me which is like you’re in a desert for days needing a drink of water. I am so thirsty and the sadness never leaves no matter what I drink. It’s a deep sadness for my whole world that has over taken me.
I can make a list of things which I see as sad, which would surprise the crap out of anyone who reads this writing. I can see how futile the life we have lived seems to have been. I see the mistakes and the choices we made which all made up the perfect life we have. God has made this life perfect through his Son. That is the only happiness I can see in this world. The wisest man ever to live found this out!
Everything comes from our inside to the outside. I like to say from your soul or spirit, to your physical. I guess we have to have something opposite to understand life. I am not sure there are opposites but we as humans have made them opposites to understand. Does God actually hate? Does God love less? The problem with us we believe and try to understand God with our knowledge. That is a complete joke. We have no possible way to understand God.
In this one week I have watched my 22 year old nephew go through test after test, each one finding one more terrible problem with him. When each test was complete, the result given, I became sadder and sadder. He is my younger brother’s son. He is my nephew. Such a smart, handsome, gifted young man. I have never felt the true pain of sadness like I have this week. It is deep within my soul and so deep it is buried in my heart. I have lived and seen sickness and death but, why is this so deep into me I can’t rest. Why can’t I get rest, have any peace, or understanding.
In the case of this young man, I am not that close to him. I know him and his gifts to this world only through his mom and dad. There is something missing in my thought pattern. Everything that happens is ultimately for God’s Glory. To me, that is an absolute.
Let’s go back to the beginning of all time which we know about. Adam and Eve, were they happy before they ate the fruit from the tree? Did they know what sad was? They were in a state of perfection so how could they know sadness. The knowledge of good and evil is a topic I would like to have spent time on in this writing to see if that is why I am sad. This is one of the keys to the sadness deep in my core, I believe.
The brain is supposed to hold the knowledge of what we learn and is used to bring out all emotions in our life. How we process this is the wonder which I have about sadness. Why should any sadness be in our lives? If we truly love God, how can we ever be sad? God is pure love and if pure love is flowing all over us how can we be sad? I know many will give different reasons why this love should outweigh the sadness in the core of our beings. Is the sadness there to keep us looking for the love of God? Is the love there to completely take the place of sadness? With the knowledge of God being in our souls then how can we be sad? Is it my choice to be sad? It has to be that way. I have to choose to be sad. Remember we have free will. The choice of sadness is ours.
People go to different extremes to hide from this fact of life. Some of the saddest people I know are Preachers, Pastors, those who give themselves to God totally. I wonder how can you give yourself to pure Love and ever be even down. The questions which I raise I don’t think has been answered. People can use all the WORDS in the human language and not give a direct answer to my question. Why and how did we come to this point where people can even be sad? Not like this kind of sadness where the whole world is in turmoil.
My thoughts go a different way which is never talked about. It’s the flesh. The word flesh is in the dictionary, way down in the definition of sadness. The flesh is the part of us which we control. The flesh is strong and the brain is even stronger. This is a problem for all people. We cannot really see what is real. God is pure love and is always giving us love and never taking it away! God fills us with love. Then something happens to us and we no longer use the love for his glory. We use our mental or brain to choose what we do. If we let the soul which is filled with the love of God control our brain, we would all be different and the love of all would be easy. We are selfish on our part to not show God’s love.
We have to trust God and we are weak, very weak. I see all throughout the Bible everybody is in this same dilemma I am in. They were sad. Actually why were they sad? Wouldn’t God take the flesh and do what was in the Love of God? The Disciples, Paul, Jonah, David, Moses, Noah, and on and on, did they have this sadness inside of them? You can read Solomon and see his sadness. He looked everywhere to find satisfaction in this world and found it only in God. So what is this sadness? What is this inside which keeps the fleshly happiness never satisfied?
I wonder, if the flesh is ever satisfied by anything the flesh can have. Yes, it is a temporary fix. It is totally wrong if you go to church for the emotional happiness. It is the flesh which causes this sadness according to the church. You have not given yourself fleshly to God. Duh, how can I? The flesh is dead. God and I do not die. So the flesh has little to do with the sadness I feel because, it’s deep in the core of my being. This is something which is not fleshly at all. It’s a sadness way beyond the unhappiness about something. It’s a soul/spirit occurrence which I cannot get my arms around. I want a real hug! Not a hug of a human, but of God, a hug which heals my soul and brings true peace to my being.
I think it is a fact I have NO idea how to receive or accept this peace. I am not even sure how to say what I am trying to say. How do I receive this, or do I not know how to receive this peace from God? I know for a fact it is there for me, is it I am not using what he has given me? I think I am scared to use this gift he has given me, because I will never fit in this world ever again. I will really be an outcast of the world. Is that what I am afraid of?
Let’s look at others who I know have received this peace and walked in this peace without sadness. The only place I know to look for what I am looking for is in the Bible. Starting from the beginning, to the end of the Bible I cannot see anyone, even Jesus who walked their complete human life in peace, without sadness. Every human will have sadness. I believe now that the answer is; how do you walk with this sadness and still glorify God All Mighty. I just ask God All Mighty to help me see what is real and not of this world. Thank You Jesus for your gift of life.
This is dedicated to Aaron Lee. My Nephew.
I’m no expert of the Bible Ronny, but i do know what I experienced. When I was dignosed with kidney disease I was upset, but when they told me I had Bone cancer and about 6 mo. to live, my reaction was hysterical. if you know me that means, on the outside I was handling the news, but on the inside I wanted to Run, I didn’t know where, or how, or if I could, but I just wanted to run and run and run. My Doctor came in, and he could see the fear in my eyes. This man is a Christian and we had talked many times about God and Jesus. He sat down and took my hand and asked if we could pray, I said Please. He prayed a very sweet prayer for me that day and I knew it was from his heart. I was discharged and let go home. Later that night i got down on my knees and said this prayer, Lord I am coming to you tonight to ask for a miracle! You tell us to ask and I need You to hear me. Drs tell me I have 6 mo to live and i’m asking You to rid my body of this disease. I know it is within your power, and if it be your will that I go thru this, then okay, I am ready to come and be with you. but if You answer my prayer i would be so grateful, Dear Lord, Not my will be done, but THY will be done. The following Monday I had an appt for a Bone marrow test to see how advanced the Cancer was, Well Ronny, when the Dr. looked at my bone marrow, he said, This doesn’t look like cancer. My heart started beatin faster. i got dressed, left that appt. and never even called back for the results. I trusted that God had worked His will. My grandma used to tell me, If you give it to God, don’t ever take it back. And i never have. That was in 2006! I am sad sometimes too, but I think it is just Gods way of letting us know, things can be worse, Look Up and see Him! Having kidney disease i get regular bloodwork and see my Drs. every 6 mo. no sign of Cancer has ever been mentioned again. Praise God!
Anita,
Not sure if you will see this or not. When I found out I had cancer I was relieved. Not that I wanted it or wanted to die. I thought I was crazy and they wanted to just put me in hospice and Pat ask for the x-ray. I had trouble breathing for a year. I smoked and they thought it was just COPD and time was up. I thought I was going to die, yes. I knew I was going to have to make a choice of Chemo and Radiation or not. I had seen Chemo and it was going to prolong my life just a small amount. I was already in a state of wanting to go to Jesus. My brain was not getting enough oxygen and I was at such a peace thinking if I live fine, if I die great. I talked to God daily, ask for his will not mine. I had such up’s and downs it was amazing. Thinking with little time to live I was happy and sad. I know you know the feeling.
Your life is important, God gave us life. I know that when I was last in the hospital, they just flat told me I was going to die. I said, ok. I was even asked don’t you care. I told them yes, but if I die I go home. I also knew if God wanted me thru his Son to die, its ok. I only had one brother who understood. Now, I did everything not to die. I also believe God wants you to try to live for him. I did not die. I don’t want to die……..really its ok if I do die.
The amazing learning experience I had was that God is in complete control. I am not talking about just good and bad things on this earth. He has always been in control in my mind and I have looked for him for years and years. I learned I can not comprehend God or his Love. It is too big for me. I just know after going through all this that life is a pleasure with or without pain and suffering. Paul and Silas sang hymns in jail. Now, could I do that. People do not understand that NO words can describe God or his Love. That is what I learned. For my family it was important for me to live a little longer. It was not for me. I have always wanted to be with Jesus all the time. I am different and have always been different from others. I grew up around with pain daily, seeing it all around me and God’s work being done. Oh, I have 1000 unanswered which may or may not be answered. But, I have eternity to get them.
You impress me the way you handled your life. I know that meeting you online was one of God’s plans. Just like the rest of the Facebook group. I don’t ask God “why” anymore. The answer is simple. “I AM”. God is so real. God is so great. He knows I fail and still God Loves Me…………I am his baby. Just like a grandkid, I have always ask why do you like me, I fail you everyday. You don’t know me. They always say, “I love you, Papa”. God is Papa to me. He has spoiled me, so I spoil the grandkids….lol.
Yes Ronny, I do understand your peace about dying! I too have that peace. It came to me the day God worked his miracle and has never left me again. My children do not understand but my husband and you do and I am ok with all of it, coz My Father in Heaven awaits and what a glorius day that will be. I will rejoice with you until we meet again. God has blessed us both! I love you!