Expectations – Perceptions

I have been working on a project with great effort to make it just perfect.  I keep working and without much success in trying to get this work done to my satisfaction.  I look at my work and it is just not what my mind see’s.  I don’t understand why I cannot get what I want to show through my hands into this work.  I can visualize exactly what I want.  Every time I make a change it just does not look like I visualized it should look like.  I sat down one day and just looked at the project, to try and figure out why I could never get the work like I wanted.  I saw every flaw and error which I never seemed to fix but, made it worse.

I started thinking, which is a mistake, about sports, artists, programmers, and every workman who ever started a job and finished with all the satisfaction in their work.  I look at others work and am amazed at the perfections I see.  Houses being built, people’s lawns, cars driving down road all looking perfectly built.  I know they are not, however they just look that way.  This brought a thought to me which I have not thought about for many years.

I went to a seminar once when I was working for a bank.  The seminar was about expectations.  I didn’t pay any attention because I never worked with customers.  I just worked by myself as a computer programmer.  In the expectations presentation was also perceptions of people.  Both of these thoughts became clearer as I looked at my work, with all its flaws.

What I wanted was my expectations to be seen when finished.  When people look at the work they see what I perceived!  Their expectations and perceptions are different than my expectations or perception.  My mind causes a problem because I want my expectations to be others perceptions.  Is this possible?  Good one, Huh?

In the 1960 World Series, when Bill Mazeroski hit his homerun, was my expectations or perceptions high, low or in the middle before he hit the homerun.  It was the 7th game of the series, it was the bottom of the 9^th inning and I was watching hoping he would just get a hit.  For me the homerun exceed my expectations and my perception of baseball also changed.  The World Series actually changed me.  Most reading this do not even know the team he played for or against that day.  They would have to Google it to find out.  To me this was the greatest hit in the history of baseball.  Others will disagree because they perceive it differently.   Which neither perception is wrong.

For me expectations come in three levels. I can have high, middle, and low expectations.  When I have high expectations I also can be disappointed easy with flawed completion of the event.  If I have expectations in the middle, sometimes the ending is good and sometimes the ending is bad.  So, you have what is called satisfaction and disappointment.  If you have low expectations you can actually be close to satisfied all the time.  I am not saying which to have.  I don’t argue that high expectations are good to try achieving your best.  If you can understand that it’s not possible very often and you can handle the disappointment.  I can only speak of myself because I do not know how anyone who reads this perceives themselves.  The perception of yourself is how you handle your expectations.

I was taught perfection at home was needed for our livelihood.  When we worked on pianos with our mom and dad, mistakes should or could not be made.  Most of the people who work at their job have to perform the same.  It was not a pride in my work; it was perfection for others that influenced me.  I know this is strange when you read this because many take pride in the work they do.  The pride was to perform perfection for the people who received the piano.  In a way both go hand in hand but the thought was always on the people whom the piano was going.  This was the way my mom and dad thought and taught.

When I grew up, which I never really have, I always looked at the expectations of myself as being very low.  However the perception of others toward me was that I had to be great at all time.  That is how I perceived the world.  When I would meet someone, I would always have to make sure the person’s perception was, I was a good person.  If they didn’t see me that way then it was my fault because, my expectations were that they had to like me.  I was the one with the problem; it had to be me in order for others to like my piano.  I had to be perfect.  Many are not taught today about expectations or perceptions of what and who they are.  We carry what we were taught throughout our lives.  We can change and I have seen many who have changed.  Down deep inside is the change real or not.

In junior high there was a person who was not very nice.  I was setting and telling the story at supper and the action I was talking about was not important or that big a deal.  What I remember was my mom saying in a very angry voice, “Don’t judge others until you walk in their shoes, they have had them on for years.”  I just looked at her and did not say a word.  That one saying changed me.  My perception of people became different.  I looked and tried to think, what if I was in their shoes.  My expectations of people changed during this time.  I became more aware of my surroundings.  I actually changed some of my friendships because of this one event in my life.  You may ask why?  The reason was I didn’t want to walk around with their shoes.  I should let them walk their path and not judge them.  Sounds rude or mean but, I did not miss treat them.  I just let them walk.  My mom taught me a great lesson that day!  Expectations and perception were not only of me but, of others.

This is when I became more aware of God.  I was always in church and I thought I was good a person.  I became more aware of the fact I was not that good.  People look at a person and put them in categories which are so false because people are all the same.  I truly believe if people would stop and look inside of themselves all people are the same.  It’s the expectations and perceptions of both sides that divide each other.  It’s sad when we figure out we are all the same because I want to be better than others.  Laughing now; because it’s funny to think I am better than some other person.  It’s also sad for me to think I am better.  I sure hope God has a sense of humor.

When I watch TV I see why the world is perverted with thoughts of self-pleasure, religious hatred, racist division, or just plain mad.  We have a perception of self-centered worry about ourselves and not the caring of others.  My mom and dad were right about how they taught me.  The pride is in the perception of the receiver of the gift, you give of yourself.  The pride should never be in your work or what you do as a person.  Self-pride is not the answer.  The gift of pride to others is the answer.  Many will not agree with me on this point.  But, I point to Jesus as the greatest gift of all.  He did not go to the cross for himself or he was not proud or thinking of his own pride.  He died as a gift to the entire world.  I usually don’t’ go religious in writing because many will look at this as preaching.  I am just using Jesus as an example of the real expectations of a person and the real perception as a person.  Jesus, to me is the greatest example of a person with what kind of expectations or perception the people of the world should have.  The gift or expectations and perception given to others by you is the gift of love.  This is the greatest gift a human can give to anything on this earth.

“Disappointment proves that expectations were mistaken.  When my expectations are exactly fulfilled, I feel that something uncanny has happened.”  These are quotes by Mason Cooley.  Mason Cooley was an American Aphorist.

“Consciousness is the perception of what passes in a man’s own mind.”  This is a quote by John Lock.  John Lock was an English Philosopher and physician.  Also, just a FYI John Lock is the Father of Liberalism.  Not the liberalism of today.

After reading these, a thought came to my mind which both of these quotes became real.   Having lunch with some friends Saturday we talked about the perceptions’ we had growing up.  Most were about unknown insecurities which high school students go through without even having a clue of the truth.  All ages have these insecurities however it does seem that 13-19 year olds are trying so hard to become like someone else when they are already like them.  The problem is the perception of the person is screwed up.  They look at themselves and don’t see what is real and not real.

In high school I dated my wife.  Who I married our senior year in college. We were friends for 3 years before we dated.  It was a time in my life which my expectations were high and perceptions of dates were very real.  Like Mason Cooley says, “When my expectations are exactly fulfilled, I felt something uncanny.”  I never had a disappointing date with my girlfriend.  Now after the dates sometimes my girlfriend would come up with some story which we could not date anymore.  The best quote I can tell you from my girlfriend when she broke up with me, she said, “Ronny you are becoming a bad habit.”  I had no clue what that meant.  I just know my expectations and perceptions for the future were crushed.  I would drive home in such sadness and despair.  I would think, did I do something wrong?  I was so down, I loved her and she was my life source.  The next week on Monday we would be in classes together and I would not talk.  Maybe we are broke up for good I thought.  By Wednesday we were talking and by Friday going out again.  There were two reasons I think this happened.  One is her parents did not like me calling all the time.  Besides they didn’t really like me at all.  This was their baby girl.  The other, my girlfriend was very canny at making sure I would pursue her, to show her I wanted to be with her.

After our senior year of high school, we both went to separate colleges.  I was on baseball scholarship and was expected daily to workout year round.  She was going to be a teacher.  In the first semester of college my girlfriend was told by her family to date other people.  I cannot express the devastation this brought upon my complete being.  The captain of the college basketball team wanted to date ‘my’ girlfriend.  I believe he was a good person and was ugly, not really.  My girlfriend and I broke up and my expectations and perceptions were gone.  I was lost as I walked around the college campus.  Nobody knew, I tried to hide the pain, instead of being honest.  I was starting to get over the break up at Christmas time.  I felt like a devoiced person only a real devoiced person’s pain is 1000 times worse than mine was.

At home my mom asked about my girlfriend and I told her we broke up.  She asked, “Why?”   I said, “She told me she wanted to date other people.”   My mom said, “Why don’t you buy her a little Christmas gift and take it to her and see how she is doing.”  I told my mom, “No way, it’s over and I am not going through that pain again.”  My mom being wise said, “Were you not friends and, wouldn’t you like to still have that friend?”  My mom told me, “Don’t have any expectations, just keep a friend that you have had for so long.  Friends are hard to find.”  I became angry and got up and left for my Granddad’s house.  I was in Avant and putting up the Christmas tree when I couldn’t wait any longer.  I was going to go see my ex-girlfriend.

Now, talk about perceptions and expectations this is perfect example of a confused person trying to figure out the feelings I had.  I had to have no expectations but my perceptions were going wild.  My mind was trying not to hope and my senses were trying to hope.  I called my girlfriend and ask if I could stop by for a minute.  She said yes in a voice which sounded like she wanted to see me.  I was driving and my expectations were low, I kept them there.  My perceptions were getting higher.  When I drove up in the drive way she walked out the door.  Oh my goodness, did she look good.  My first thought is leave.  I wanted to leave and block all of this out of my mind.  I could feel the pain inside of me.

I got out of the car and had little gift.  I can’t remember what it was.  I handed the gift to her and said, “Merry Christmas.”  I cannot remember anything said back and forth.  I was numb.  She knew we spent Christmas at my granddad’s house because the last two years she went with me.  I do remember asking her, “Can we go out for lunch or something this weekend.”  She said, “Yes, what time.”  I said, “In the afternoon, sometime.”  She said, “Just call me.”  I said, “Great, talk to you this weekend.”

Expectations, now explain what it was at that time?  Should I have any at all?  I only have one way to explain expectations and perception.  I married this girl.  We have been married 42 years.  My expectations and perceptions have been met to the greatest level known by any man ever living on this earth.  Many do not get this pleasure in life.

If you have read any of my writings you know I believe a person is made up of four parts.  Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual are the parts of a Being.  Each part together makes up our expectations and perceptions.  This is a combination of all four which lead us in our lives.  Words are something to each person which may have many meanings.  In my opinion after this writing, each of us is here by one reason, love.  Love is a word which has millions of meanings. We have a meaning for love in everything we do.  When Bill Mazeroski hit his home run I had a loving feeling inside me.  When my girlfriend dumped the ugly guy and married me, I had love inside me.  I am coming to realization, nothing matters but love.  Even when our expectations or perceptions are not what we want, whether we know it or not we still love.  It is like the love of making the piano just as the person who owns it, expects and perceives. I am starting to understand expectations and perceptions just a little more as I grow closer to the end.  It saddens me just a small bit to not understand early in my life.